Aed jokes
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.