Aed jokes
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
What can you build with people? A boat!
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
How did pioneers name Canada?
They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"
That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.
Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.
It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
Q: What kind of building weighs the least?
A: A lighthouse!
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"