Aed jokes

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"

Me: "Where?"

Friend: "In front of me."

A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.

A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.

His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.

"Boiled ham" is what you call a dead Russian.

This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

What's an emo black kid called? A dark Drakie.

What do you call a bank robbery with MrBeast?

A donation team.

What is mad cow disease?

Q: What’s Jackie Chan‘s favorite drink to have at a bar?

A: Wo-Tah!

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

What’s the best part of stage four cancer?

A: There’s no stage five.

Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe

A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.

One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."

What do you feed a group of octopuses for dessert?

Octopie!

Joe Mama is so fat that when she sat on an iPhone, it turned into an iPod.

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!