Aed jokes
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
What do you call a group of chubby trans-genders?
Trans-fats.
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?