Aed jokes
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.
A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"
The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."
The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"
Take a few steps back like your hairline.
Obama has dih.
But the Twin Towers just had a hard landing.
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."
What do you call a riot full of white people?
An avalanche.
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"
What's the difference between my father and acne?
Acne waited for me to be a teenager before coming on my face.
What's funny is that I am typing this in the middle of a document... WAIT JENGA!!!!!!!
Did you know there's a brand of coffee specifically for pedophiles?
It's called the Ep-bean.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Yo mama so Irish that she thought the Chicago Shamrox were a Quadball team.
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.