Aed jokes
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.
She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.
The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.
That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”