Aed jokes

Little Johnny was not paying attention in class, so the teacher told him, "Do you know what happens when you don't pay attention?"

Little Johnny said, "No, what?"

She answered, "The principal's office."

Then little Johnny said, "Hey teach, do you know what it means when you have balls on your chin?"

The teacher answered, "No, what?"

"You have a d!ck in your mouth!"

My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.

Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?

My sister wearing all the world's makeup.

Sister: Just a little.

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?

What do you call a man with farts?

DEEZ NUTS!

What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?

An art attack!

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.

What do you call a basement full of SJW's?

A whine cellar.

I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.

The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."

So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Answer: Elephino.

I was sweating like Michael Jackson in a Chuck E. Cheese.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?

A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?

A parent.

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.