Aed jokes
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.
Gemini, it is you who is trying to start such a big mess for no reason. I never said it had a charm or a lead roll. I just want love and spread kindness. PS: I use my brain. I use it all the time, just for your information. I just hope we can be friends.
Best, Gwen
Are you Pikachu? Cause I want to take a "pik" at you.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Your forehead is so big, it looks like I did a drag back on FIFA.
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.
Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?
Ask him to tell a rape joke.
Little Johnny was not paying attention in class, so the teacher told him, "Do you know what happens when you don't pay attention?"
Little Johnny said, "No, what?"
She answered, "The principal's office."
Then little Johnny said, "Hey teach, do you know what it means when you have balls on your chin?"
The teacher answered, "No, what?"
"You have a d!ck in your mouth!"
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?
My sister wearing all the world's makeup.
Sister: Just a little.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?