Aed jokes
I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
Me: Do you know a funny joke?
Friend: Yes, you.
I'm a human.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
Why did an orphan go on Google Maps?
To try and find their parents.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."