Aed jokes
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.