Aed jokes
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.
Guys, can you like my jokes, please?
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)