Aed jokes
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
When is a cold not a cold?
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do Rubik's cubes and melons have in common?
They have a history of separating colors.
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.
When I got to school, I was speechless.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?
And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
What is a snake's favorite drug?
Adder-all.
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.