Aed jokes

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.

Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.

On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.