Aed jokes
I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.
She literally died a crazy bitch.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”
Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.