
Aed jokes
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.
I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.
If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.
Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
Q. Why aren't jokes about bulimia funny?
A. They're just in bad taste.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
I have a joke about suicide, but I’ll just let it hang.
A guy jumped out of the Twin Towers, saying, "I ordered pepperoni pizza, not a plane!"
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?
So they have a place to hang the air freshener.
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
Why does Mini P.E.K.K.A. love pancakes? Because he is busy watching explicit content involving the Archers and Firecracker.