Aed

Aed jokes

Man

    • A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

    The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

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    • Cake

    • At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

    “Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

    Source

    • According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

    1. What was your income for the year?

    2. What were your expenses?

    3. How much have you left?

    4. Send it in.

    Emo

    • So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"

    App

    • Best pick up line EVER.

    There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

    Santa

    • It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

    He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

    But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

    Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

    Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

    (Santa winks at you)

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    • Armadillo

    • So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.

    He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"

    The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."

    The person says: "What's a dilo?"

    Penaldo

    • I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

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    • Denephew

    • A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

    "You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

    The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

    The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

    "What about the boy?" the woman asked.

    The doctor said, "Denephew."

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    • Number

    • Random guy: Hi, how old are you?

    Me: 15

    The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.

    Me: Do you know what else is a number?

    The guy: What?

    Me: 911

    Woman

    • A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.

    One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

    The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.

    The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.

    At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.

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