Aed jokes
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?
A really fucking huge cricket.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Your hairline reminds me of a car taking a U-turn.
A guy ate your hairline because it reminded him of a McDonald's fry!
Chicken on a stick with a macaroni tick.
What a magic trick, it's so bad!
Too bad, chick.
Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
What does a stray cat/dog have in common?
Both of them don't have a home!
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.