Aed jokes
Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months?
Answer: The box said 3-5 years!
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.
Yo mama so fat... she brought a spoon... to the SUPER BOOOOOOWL! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!
You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?
They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.
Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.
When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!
Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.
Best friend makes joke about 9/11.
Me: My pop was a part of that!
Best friend: So sorry!
Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...