Aed jokes
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?
Fish and chaps.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
Do a neck reveal.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
Yo mama is so fat, she jumped on a trampoline and she broke it.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.