Aed jokes

Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"

I poo 11 times a day.

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.

I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.

It gave me a discount!

I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)