Aed jokes
What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?
At least one has a point.
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
What does a furry call a sexy furry?
A foxy lady!
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."
How does she know I have that?
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"