Aed jokes
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
I charge 50 bucks a suck.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
I had a steering wheel down my pants, and I tell you what, it was driving my balls crazy!
Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
A: Cha-Ching!
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?