Aed jokes
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.
Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
What is a gathering of octopuses called?
Octoposse.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."