Aed jokes
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
Yo mama is so fat, a rogue shadowstepped her and got a loading screen.
Yo mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.