Aed jokes
What do you call a bunch of people near each other?
The start of the Hollacoast.
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
What is a spaceman’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar!
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.
Why is Megan a down?
Because her last name is Downy.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.
Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?
They both jump in the toilet!