Aed jokes
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.
That was an egg-cellent joke!
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Abortion is not a joke.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"
Do you get it? SEArch.
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
How do you get a clown off your swing?
You shoot it.