Aed jokes
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.