Aed jokes
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
What is Beethoven's favorite vehicle?
A van.
What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Follow me on Instagram @v2good.at.fortnite and @v2good.at.edits for a surprise.
Btw, you have to like all my posts :)
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.