Aed jokes
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Coworker, why is Sara so blue?
Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay!
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.