Accident jokes

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

My father can take a joke because he made one.

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!

(Knock knock) Who's there? Accident. Accident who? Accident you.

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Why did the dog cross the road?

It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

Where was Stephen Hawking born?

Under a coconut tree.

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.

So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"

So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.

How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)

3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)

Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

When you realize the shuttle blew up.

Then you realize you're on the shuttle.

"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"

"A broken nose."

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.