Accident jokes
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because someone booted her in the face. 🤣🤣
Even Bob Ross couldn’t paint a happy little accident like BLESSEDBRIAN.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.