Accident jokes

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

I remember my grandfather's last words:

"Are you holding the ladder?"

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Why did the dog cross the road?

It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

My father can take a joke because he made one.

I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!

(Knock knock) Who's there? Accident. Accident who? Accident you.

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.

How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)

3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)

Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

When you realize the shuttle blew up.

Then you realize you're on the shuttle.

"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"

"A broken nose."

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.

The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!