Accident jokes

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?

They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.

You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?

Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!

Kobe: "Don't crash!"

Helicopter: *Crashes*

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.

How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)

3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)

Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

When you realize the shuttle blew up.

Then you realize you're on the shuttle.

"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"

"A broken nose."

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.

The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!