Accident jokes
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
"I created the Human Torch."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.