Accident jokes
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She has no arms.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
A ball hit me in the vagina.