Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
Why did Jerry fall off the moon?
Because he got hit by a fridge.
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
