Accident jokes
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?
My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.