Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
Accident Jokes
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
