Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
my blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike he should have been paying attention
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmot 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage and she burnt it down luckily she don't have to tell there parents
3 blonde were walking on a path, the first blonde said, “Hey look there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way those are totally duck tracks,” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh those are” then they got hit by a train.
1:My grandpa died last year 2:What kind of cancer? 1:He was hit by a bus! its called bus cancer
Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.
Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!
Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then “WHOA-MAN!!”
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
Today; Worst day ever
My annoying sibling got hit by a train and I lost my job as a conductor.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember there are no speed bumps..... I hit bambie
Man says "im flying" realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream ?
The Holocoust
what’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer,and a poor kids parents getting ran over by military tractors?When grandma got ran over by a reindeer,the kids actually gave a shit.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay moving on you took to long, how many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge (*Their reply* Idk how many) 3, Open the fridge put the elephant into the fridge and close the door. how do you put a giraffe into the fridge (*Their reply* 3...) Wrong 4, Open the fridge take out the elephant put in the giraffe and close the door, why did sally fall off the swing, A fridge fell on her
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
a girl and a boy were on a date, the boy kept farting. the girl asked, What Is Wrong?!?!the boy replied, "explosive diareah." the girl said ew.
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. the center of the explosion, the bathroom.
It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
