Ability jokes
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Big Mom is so fat, Trafalgar Law can’t make enough room for her!
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Gwen can talk, please?
People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
What does a man and a gay prostitute have in common with a physically handicapped bisexual man? All three of them are very good at sucking your dick.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.