Ability jokes
I have the superpower to predict the past.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.
Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
Stephanie has a magic.
Why can’t blind people read this?
They can’t see.
What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios' new series: WandaVision!
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What does a man and a gay prostitute have in common with a physically handicapped bisexual man? All three of them are very good at sucking your dick.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
I'm psychicking your butt.
Gwen can talk, please?
What is the difference between a human and a tree?
A tree cannot walk, and a human can walk.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
What can fly?
Bird.
You signed up for football, but you're no good.
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.