Ability jokes
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
KSI driving ability.
Alya is so retarded.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Chuck Norris once stabbed the Terminator with Bruce Lee.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
Why was Stephen Hawking so good at FIFA? He had 99 dribble.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?
Suck a big cock.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick... and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge.