Ability jokes

Chuck Norris can make an omelet from Kinder surprise.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.

The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"

Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.

What do you call an army of disabled people?

Special forces.

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!