Ability jokes

I'm psychicking your butt.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

KSI driving ability.

Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios' new series: WandaVision!

Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she is a girl.

🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.

What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?

The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.

I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.

What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.