Worst Jokes Ever
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
What is a threesome with 3 guys?
Gay sex and a witness.
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!