Worst Jokes Ever
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
Why did the liberal cross the road?
(Ah, fuck this shit, I'm gonna kill myself!)
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
You want to hear a 9/11 joke?
I bet they did too!
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Me: What do you call a group of retards?
Friend: Down town?
Me: Nope, target practice.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.