Worst Jokes Ever
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Total gym.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
Want to watch Titanic?
No, I'm not on board for it.