Worst Jokes Ever
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a homepage.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.
I got a joke.
Allahu Akbar!
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Why is a tree brown?
If you are thinking about this, you are racist.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"