Worst Jokes Ever
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"