Worst Jokes Ever

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.

My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?

Yeah, neither have they.

The 3 life rules:

1.

2.

3.

Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.

Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.

Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣

Where did Lucy go after the bombing?

Everywhere.

What's long and black?

The line to KFC.