Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.

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    • If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

    If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

    It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

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    • What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?

    You can hide your own Easter Eggs!

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    • How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

    She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

    "Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

    "Who was in the race?"

    "The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

    The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

    The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

    The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

    The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

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    • Why can't homeless people be gay?

    They don't have a closet to get out of.

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    • I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

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    • How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?

    He saw flashing lights.

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    • What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?

    Little kids leave preschool.

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