Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.

What food does a cheetah eat?

Fast food.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

Joke.

What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?

"They see me rolling, they hatin'."

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Why are Muslims terrible at football?

Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.

What do you call a fat Chinese man?

A double chinkey.

When I masturbate, things cum.

When an old man does, no one cums.

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.

Mom: Shut up and keep digging.

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

The only thing I do straight is vodka.

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

My cock was in the book of world records...

The librarian told me to take it out.

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"