Worst Jokes Ever
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
What’s a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross-country.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
What did the lettuce say when she is popping the champagne?
If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
What do you call a website that openly encourages racist posts?
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."