Worst Jokes Ever

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

How do Chinese people play in Spy?

They can't.

Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!

Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.

What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?

Chromozoned.

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

you.

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

What do you call a blind German?

A not see.

What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.

Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"

Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

Greg fucking steals toes!

What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D