Worst Jokes Ever

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head.

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?

Miscarriage.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?

Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!

I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, it’ll come back to me.

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!

Todoroki POV: Deku = femboy.

Deku POV: Todoroki = big 8=====D.

Todoroki POV: All he can think about is Deku.

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!