Worst Jokes Ever
What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?
Ow!
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.