Worst Jokes Ever

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: The U.S. in 1919!

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

Explain Bear, I want to kiss you.

Explain bear.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

Make Danielle Smith a lot lizard again!

My grandad and your hairline go way back.

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.

Mom clean your room Me no it’s my room and I don’t want to clean it Mom you are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter me Well I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now am I you are the Worst like why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter I’m not her OK I am not her so stop Mom do you know what I pushed you out of my hula 43 minutes do not make me hate you because guess what I brought you into the world and I can take you out of it Me bro

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

Why can't the orphan take a family photo?

Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.

What's a Mexican's favorite video game?

Borderlands.

I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.

I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.

Now I feel like I belong.

What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?

Being a bitch.

What do orphans play on Roblox?

Adopt Me.