I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
At baseball practice...
"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"
"No, but I got two right here."
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
How did Michael Jackson die?
Because he danced like a zombie!
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
