Worst Jokes Ever
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Tyler
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.