Worst Jokes Ever
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
This isn't ketchup.
I raped your mom. I flipped her upside down and called the position "wow."
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.