Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?

A chill pill.

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

Tyler

The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.

You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

What's brown and hurts your teeth?

A chocolate?

No. A baseball bat in my hands.

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.

God, I miss Stephen Hawking.

He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

How do you make a plumber sad?

Kill his family.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.