Worst Jokes Ever

Pedophiles are really stupid and need to leave this earth.

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.

*funny joke about dicks*

I'm fucking retarded.

What's a rapist's favorite scale?

C Minor.

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.

The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.

The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.