I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.
Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: The U.S. in 1919!
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
