Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
Q. What's the difference between Danielle Smith and a prostitute?
A. I respect prostitutes.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Opal didn't hack RapBoat's account, she WAS RapBoat the whole time.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!
"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."
What is Mexican's favorite food? A taco.
Hi Explain Bear, how are youuu!
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
How many children does Explain Bear have?
Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
