Worst Jokes Ever
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.