Worst Jokes Ever
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.
One day I threw a boomerang...
Now I live in constant fear.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
My granddad killed Hitler.