Worst Jokes Ever
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
Boomer.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."