Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?

Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."

  • 3

    • What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?

    Alien vs Predator.

    What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

    A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

    My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

    What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?

    A pedophile.

  • 3

    • Guys, go to https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5b3937c1a328f6072c316bd6/hey-guys-who-wants-to-play-roblox-with-me-we-can-go-om-cool-maps-my-name-is-xx_robloxgamer420_xx-pleeease-lets-play-rol and read the whole thing because I need people to play with, and everyone is being retarded. Thanks guys, goodbye.

  • 9

    • Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

    “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

  • 9

    • Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    9/11.

    9/11 who?

    You said that you would never forget!

  • 0

    • What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?

    He said, "Fuck this shit!"

  • 1

    • What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

  • 5

    • A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

    A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

    Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

    I hate these double standards.

    If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

    Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."

    You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

    There was none, it was all white!