Worst Jokes Ever

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.

The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.

That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

Why is Michael Jackson so weak?

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.

Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.

Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.

Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.

Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

An orphan's parents.

What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?

You can hear a hormone.

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.

Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.