Worst Jokes Ever
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?
"Okay, Boomer."
Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.