Worst Jokes Ever
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
Why are the Twin Towers afraid of hot tubs?
Because of the jets.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
What’s the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
A straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-do!"
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do!"
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
What do teenage girls and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
US Marine: Knock knock!
Al Qaeda fighter: Who's there?
US Marine: (Kicks down door, throws grenade, opens fire) FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!
Why do lesbians have the highest rate of domestic violence?
Because women are emotional and full of drama.
What is fraud supposed to taste like?
Bananas and Rice.
All the Muslims are pissed off because 24 hours after Chuck Norris went to heaven there were no more virgins left.
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.
The students at Columbine needed books, but all they got were magazines.
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
Bonnie Blue's son could win a science fair just by participating.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.