Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
Kid: "LOOK OUT! A KILLER BEE!!!"
(B)
OKAY.
Why are S and U never thirsty?
They drink tea (T).
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
What do you call a Vietnamese antivirus scanner?
An-Thi-cho-rho-na.
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
I wanted to open a restaurant for the hearing impaired, but the slogan "Enjoy without hesitation" didn't go down so well.
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
Why'd the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice.