Worst Jokes Ever
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?
Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
Why are the Twin Towers afraid of hot tubs?
Because of the jets.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
What’s the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
A straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-do!"
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do!"
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
What do teenage girls and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
US Marine: Knock knock!
Al Qaeda fighter: Who's there?
US Marine: (Kicks down door, throws grenade, opens fire) FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Why do lesbians have the highest rate of domestic violence?
Because women are emotional and full of drama.
What is fraud supposed to taste like?
Bananas and Rice.
All the Muslims are pissed off because 24 hours after Chuck Norris went to heaven there were no more virgins left.
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.